Subscribe to the NCSA Blog3 Ways Parents Can Sabotage the Recruiting Process
April 17th, 2008 - byby Chris Krause, NCSA Founder and President
In the last year or so, more and more college coaches that I have the chance to speak with are bringing up a common complaint:
Parents are ruining their son or daughter’s chances of getting recruited.
How?
Coaches are seeing parents become more assertive and acting more like their child’s “secretary” than in past years. 
Parents are calling coaches. Parents are dominating the conversations with coaches when they take a campus visit with their son or daughter. And parents are making it clear to college coaches that they look forward to being “closely associated” with their program once their son or daughter signs with a school. Coaches describe these types of adults as “helicopter parents.”
All of those things can raise the red flag in the mind of a coach. Yes, they will overlook a parent’s actions if the athlete’s athletic ability is just too good to pass up. But parent’s actions will stop and make a coach think, “Do I really want to deal with that parent for the next four years?”
If you are an athlete or parent that has been pre-qualified through NCSA and is one of our clients, you know that one of the challenges that you now face is dealing with an increasing number of college coach contacts. While that’s exciting, it’s also a challenge to not do or say anything that might raise questions in the minds of the coaches that we have matched you with through our process.
Here are three ways I see parents potentially sabotaging the opportunities that coaches are bringing to their sons and daughters. Take a look at this list and ask yourself, “Am I guilty of any one of these?”
- Some parents filter through recruiting letters and materials that are sent to the athlete, and decide what gets looked at and what doesn’t. This is really frustrating for college coaches when they realize this is happening, and can be an indicator of future parent meddling. Instead of being a filter, be the one to make sure that your son or daughter sits down and read through everything that is being sent to them. That’s the only way they will be able to get an accurate idea of which coach, program and school are going to be the best fit for them. Instead of being the “filter”, be the “enforcer” and make sure your son or daughter is taking the time to look at everything they are getting.
- Some parents answer questions for their son or daughter. I was talking to a coach the other day that was really alarmed when they called a prospect’s house, and the parent stayed on the line and asked all the questions. The athlete barely got a word in! Make sure you let your student-athlete do the talking, and giving them the privacy in which to have that conversation. Once a college coach senses that they are being “managed” or “coached” by you on what to say or ask, it’s going to cause them concern and damage the chances of being seriously pursued by that coach.
- Waiting for ”the better deal”. Parents are often the reason their prospects never get around to saying yes to a college that is interested in them. They are tempted to wait for “the better deal.” They’ll bypass an opportunity to play at a D3 school in favor of hanging on to the dream of playing D1 athletics. Or, if they are getting recruited by D1 colleges, they’ll assume that an offer in October will stay on the table until March or April. Waiting around and hoping that the grass will be greener at the next school you hear from is a dangerous strategy, and it often results in college coaches moving on to another athlete who takes the opportunity that they are being offered.
Making any one of these mistakes can seriously damage the opportunity for your son or daughter to play college athletics. A combination of them can kill those opportunities. Make sure that you are doing the right thing to support your son or daughter through this exciting but challenging time. If you have questions, and you are a NCSA student-athlete, call your Recruiting Coachright away so they can help guide you to being an effective supporter of your son or daughter.
If you aren’t yet a NCSA student-athlete, I encourage you to consider becoming one. Our athletes get more contacts from coaches because we make sure every coach in the country that would be the right match knows about them, giving them the maximum number of opportunities to be noticed and get recruited. We can also make sure you eliminate the mistakes many families make that can sabotage the college recruiting process.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Great article. Helps me know when to say when. I coach too, and I thought I was doing good for my son, but I see areas I need to improve on. Thanks for the article.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I agree somewhat ! There is a fine line the should not be crossed. But be assured that some parents are not involved enough in the child’s Recruiting and School academics.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
” Waiting for the better deal”! Good one. How about “any deal”?
April 17th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
We are NCSA parents and our son signed with the University of Houston on National Signing Day. Along the long road of recruiting I witnessed many parents like the ones described in this article. Parents should really take note of the good advice in this article. I witnessed first hand the body language and expressions on some of the coaches faces when they encountered these types of parents…it was always negative.
April 17th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
There are two sides to this coin. On the one hand, it is true, parents can certainly go overboard and think their son/daughter is better than they really are and dominate the recruiting process. However, on the other hand, it should be a parents’s responsibility to make sure the their child is not being swindled and given false promises. That can certainly happen too.
April 17th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
In a first meeting with a coach, I was doing a lot of talking as my son seemed too nervous to speak. After about 15 minutes, I realized I should leave the room so that the coach and my son would have a chance to speak with each other. On the tour of facilities, I purposely hung back. By the end they had struck up great conversations and my son was asking questions. It didn’t matter if I liked the coach (I did!). What mattered was how my son related to him. They struck up a great relationship over the next few months resulting in the coach really wanting my son on his team.
April 17th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Great article and for me anyway, common sense. This is a great time for our sons and daughters to earnestly begin the transition process to young adults and begin accepting and taking responsibility for their own lives. The recruiting process helps to hone their organizatonal skills and communication skills by speaking to coaches in their own words and asking questions germaine to them while ultimately being accountable for where they choose to spend the next 2-4 years of their lives, Again as the article suggest, we should play the role of enforcer and not be a filter or talking piece for our kids.
April 17th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I am a parent of an NCSA child that wasn’t afraid to look at D3 schools. This article is so true, parents should take note! We let our daughter choose where SHE wanted to go and what offer SHE wanted to accept. She ended up signing at a D3 school who gave her an awsome package, and the school is a wonderful place. It is an Ivy League D3 school, that on our own we would have never found or been able to afford. She is getting a great education and we can thank NCSA for getting her name out there!
April 17th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
There is no way my son could review all the mail from colleges (100s of pieces a week over 2 years) and it would have been a very negative distraction while he was dealing with school and his sport. However, a parent has to be realistic in what he or she screens and passes on to their child and whether their is a better opportunity in the future. If you are interested in the Ivies you won’t know if you can be admitted until late in the process..
April 17th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Initially we let our son try to handle all of the incoming mail and calls, and following a strong junior season he was quickly overwhelmed by the deluge from DI, DII, DIII and NAIA schools.
Most of the coaches we met and talked with were outstanding gentlemen who offered excellent advice as we went forward through the recruiting process; and for the most part they spoke with our son rather than with us. There were a couple we were not comfortable with, and we monitored those more closely.
Our son had asked us to screen based upon specific criteria which included: academic excellence, geographic region of the country, quality of the athletic program, and cost of living. Having good grades and a high SAT score to go along with 1st Team All-State resulted in many great opportunities.
Today he made his choice, for a DIII school that has an outstanding department in his planned major. He is pleased and excitied, and we are excitied for him.
April 17th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
i am coach of a girls fastpitch travel ball team out of tampa fl .if you have a good coach that is helping the girls and the parents make smart decisions it is alot easier on the collage coaches to deal with the coach than the parents .there will be a time to bring the parents in to the deal but not up front .let the coach find out what the collage is looking for and make sure your player is a fit for the program sometimes it’s a great deal but the fit is not there and a year later everyone is unhappy . being a coach and a parent i see both sides let your coach start the deal and get involved when it’s time to make that great decision for you players future..
April 17th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
My wife and I have spoke to our son on how to interview. He has spoken to some coaches and we were pleased with how he carried himself. I agree that the student /athlete should do all the talking to a coach when they meet or via a phone conversation. I keep all the contacts in order and he makes the calls or emails. As a parent you do not want to see your child make mistakes, they can’t learn if they don’t
April 17th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
I think the overall message of the article is a good one; and without a doubt, there are parents out there that negatively impact their son/daughter’s recruiting eligibility by being overly involved and/or controlling during the process; however, by and large, I believe parent involvement and contribution is a very necessary part of ensuring our children have the information they need and the opportunity to interact with coaches with parental oversight that is so very vital to them making the “right” decision for their future.
April 18th, 2008 at 8:44 am
I disagree that the parents are sabotaging their children’s. The recruiting process is about money that he college can make off the athlete and they do not have the best interest. The parents have the students interest as a priority whereas those coaches will cut the athletic aid just to add another athlete to the program. This happens more often than the full athletic aid that these top athletes sign up for. The problem is that most of these young adults have no legal representation and if you take the parents out of the loop. Their are unethical practices going on and these young adults can be entrapped by promises for full aid and the NCAA rules around eligibility if they try to transfer. These rules do not protect the students and are designed to assist the university programs to maintain funding. I think that every parent should act in the legal interest of the student-athlete and or get a lawyer to review the contract, and add provisions to allow the students to transfer if the program does not meet their needs.
April 18th, 2008 at 9:10 am
I agree so much. I love my parents to death but they put me on such a high pedistol and says how great I am and I’m sure it drives the coach’s crazy like it does me. I say let me talk and tell them what I am thinking and let them get to know me. Thats why they are talking and looking at me is to find out who I am not who my parents think I am.
April 18th, 2008 at 9:40 am
My son is going through the recruiting process now and I have mixed fillings when it comes to dealing with coaches. For the most part he does all of the talking but lets be real, what a teenager is usually looking for in a school is different than what parents are looking for in a school. I think everyone should have questions prepared before they meet any coach, like do you have this major, how high on your recruiting list am I, what percentage of athletes do you all graduate, Do you and your staff plan on being here the next 4 to 5 years, what position are you recruiting me to play and how many others are you recruiting to play the same position. Having questions like this prepared give both the parent and the athlete a fill for what the school is doing. After the athlete gets the information they should sit down and discuss everything with who ever is helping them make decisions. Let the athlete be out front but be his/her support system. Visit the schools as much as possible, not just when invited. Talk to the other athletes and general students walking around the campus. Visit sites around the campus and get people’s views on the school and area. Get as much info as you possible can. A parent should be involved but not over involved and not pushy. Most of the decisions should be made at home away from any coaches with all of the information in front of you. Remember the coaches are looking out for their best interest and so should the student and parent.
April 18th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I agree with William. The parents should be a part of the process. They should let the student/athlete do the talking but the questions that William discussed should be the forefront of the conversation with the althletic department( with some parental involvement). The questions William listed in his post/blog are some of the exact questions my son and I compiled for visits and conversations with coaches. My son finally decided on a mid-major college: Valparaiso University. He had several offers from D-3 schools (which were too far away for him), a couple of D-2s( pretty far away as well); therefore, Valpo was a better fit for him. Valpo was a better fit because the number of players they were recruiting that played his position, the number of players on the team at his position, and he was accepted to the University before the Coaches started recruiting him.
April 18th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Your child does need to let the coach know if they are interested in playing a sport at their school. However, you do want to check out several schools before you accept an offer my son was recruited by several Division 3. and only two Division 1 schools offered scholarships. He is playing at a Division 1 school now but it was after careful consideration that he selected the school and coach with which he felt most comfortable.
In order to give my son freedom we wrote a list of questions together for him to use both on the phone and on official visits. This made us both more comfortable with the process. My only direct contact with the coaches was to greet them, and thank them for the visit.
After my son was made offers I did contact the recruitment coach and the finicial aid offices to see if they could offer an additional grant or endorsement. Every school did so, but I only did this after an offer was made with specific information. Otherwise, I let my son determine where he wanted to play football and get his degree.
April 19th, 2008 at 11:52 am
parents should be realistic but never are they love to boost inacuratly and the process should take place at home only the athlete should be the one doing the talking to any degree with the coaches since ultimatly they will be there taking part in the sport.If at any point the child needs guidance or advice it should come from the parent or an unbias coach that is not fearful of the childs parents when telling the athlete the truth about their playing ability. parents do hinder the process both with high school sports as well as college it’s up to the coaches how they allow the parents to manipulate the process that ultimatly hurts the child.
April 19th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
How much does it cost to join?
April 21st, 2008 at 11:11 am
agreed , yes there are helicopter parents but I view them as a result of the whole recruitment process that elevates the athlete to unbelievable levels not yet obtained on the college level. Everyone should do their homework in the process. From a parents side check out the coach with current players and parents as they have lived with that coach for the previous year, talk with club coaches as they have had previous interaction with the coaches and can tell you if they are honorable in their offrers . As a parent of two college level players , things are not always as they appear and some of the best offers are at the d-3 level where there are great educational opportunities. The best advice we received in all the recruitment process was let your child pick the college where they want to pursue their educational opportunities first and approach that school about athletic options. It really should be about education first and athletics second as many of these athletes may only play for a year or two but their educational opportunities are for a lifetime.
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Many people wrote many good things about parent’s involvement. William stated it very well in his post. The point I would like to add is this: Universities proved service for money, that is usually paid by parents. In many ways, the Parents are the Customers. Not only that Parents should look after the interest of their children – they also have the right to expect certain level of service, which includes Coaching. Of course there is a balance, and of course a child should be allowed to strike rapport with the Coach on her or his own. However, the Coaches must allow Parents to ask questions and be involved in a decision process. The fact that there is an increase in parent’s involvement, as mentioned in the article, may mean that the Coaches should consider change in their own attitude and understand that the Parent is their Customer and therefore must be a part of the process. Honestly, if a Coach does not want me as a Parent to be involved in the process (in a balanced way), I don’t want my kid to be involved with that Coach.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:14 am
thanks for the information i think when a parent is asking all the questions that is them just being a parent although i see how that can become a concern to a coach when you have an over barring way too over protective parent. the info was really helpful!!!
April 24th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Granted, the student/athlete should drive the conversation and the majority of the communication. However, make sure you as parents have determined what your expectations will be for assistance through scholarships and how closely that matches up with what your suitors have available before you begin serious talks and scheduling visits all over the country. It doesn’t need to be specific but both sides will benefit if you can get to a percentage so that neither of you are disappointed. Also, be sure to confirm visits by continuous communication, right up until the week of the scheduled visit. Things happen, an assistant leaves, someone else commits, etc. and you could get stuck with the cost of travel. Most schools will be up front as long as you are in your talks with them.
April 25th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Good article. I have not played an active role in my son’s recruiting process. I would like to, but I do not have any idea what is required of myself or his father. It would be great if you could do an article on this. So far I feel that all I provide is transportation. Thank you.
April 28th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Here is my opinion: We can not expect a highschool coach to be the promoter of our kids. However, the coaching community is an established group and some of the coaches have been in the business a long time. Many know the system far better than we do. The coaches could assist with letting us know where or who is running the larger tournaments which will get the kids some exposure and experience. I have found that many tournaments are not posted on the web and unless you know who to contact the opportunity is missed. Please post any suggestions or comment.
May 9th, 2008 at 9:38 am
We are fortunate to be able to say our son was heavily recruited as an NCSA student athlete. He selected Univ of Penn (IVY LEAGUE) and has excelled! Every athlete needs to ask themselves, would I go to this school IF i couldnt play my sport…
Having gone through the process, I can tell you this, parents MUST be involved however, be careful not to dominate the interview and “process” .This is a point where your child needs to learn to represent themselves, remember they are attending the school not you.!As for dealing with coaches, ( We dealt with many!) they have a tough job, so dont be suprised if you feel a little bit like you are dealing with a used car salesmen. The truth is they only have so many dollars to deal with and our trying to put a successful team on the field that represents the school. NCSA is definately the way to go. Remember that your child is a STUDENT ATHLETE, not the other way around…
One last point, All Ivy League Schools are DI, there are no D3 schools in the Ancient 8 as they are called.
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:41 am
I agree to a point but I have coached at and I know of alot of High School organizations that do not take a serious enough approach to helping these kids get recruited. Every lettering player should have the support from the school and coaches that include films, websites, and cold calling to colleges. It amazes me today that many schools still don’t do this.
December 21st, 2008 at 8:16 pm
My son is a senior on a talent loaded, successful new program that is now on its 3rd coach in its 7 year existence. Despite playing in State Championships 3 of past 4 years and winning in 2005 these talented players get almost no attention from colleges. In 2007 they graduated 9 seniors (5 of them selected to All-State team), as of a week following the end of season none of them had a single scholarship offer! The head coach did nothing for these kids. An assistant manged to get these kids noticed and 7 of them ended up going to colleges that didn’t offer football scholarships!
This season we knew we had to take control and get our kids recognized. Despite sending a bunch of our kids to nationally recognized combines and posting very good performances and times, absolutely none of our kids are on anyones radar???? When you look up rivals.com none of our talented kids are ranked! I research national players ranking and these players are right there talent wise. Over the past 4 seasons I can’t count how many 4-5 star players that these boys play and end up shutting down and posting equal or better all around numbers! The new head coach threw the camera man out that we used to purchase game film weekly and told us not to worry because he would provide us with film every week. The season has ended and we have not received any film! So much for sending film to colleges throughout season. He kept telling us he would provide us with film.
So now we’re trying and get our seniors what’s left of football scholarships by calling colleges (and having no luck speaking to anyone). As of now most of the D1 scholarships have been offered. So we will most likely have to take what we can get if our kids are even that fortunate.. And no, most of us can’t afford another expense, $3000 or so, to sign up with a company that can get our kids noticed!