By Bob Chmiel
What Is Parental Role in Recruiting Process? In a word, support.
If I were to advise parents concerning this process, it would be to research and find out as much about it as early as possible. I am confident in speaking to the nuances and details, but let us remember that I went through the process some 20-plus times.
Most families will experience the recruiting process once! Don't find yourself on the day after signing day saying "I should have done this or that." Again, once! Work to have no regrets. Researching the process can take many avenues. The first thing is to call or go on line and secure a copy of the NCAA's Guide to the Student Athlete. This is a wonderful publication and it is of no cost. The NCAA has continuously improved this publication that gets into the recruiting process, NCAA recruiting legislation and a comprehensive list of the recruiting schedule as it applies to contact periods, quiet periods, dead periods as well as visits, both unofficial and official. Get this publication!
Next, it is prudent to have a fine working relationship with your high school coach. Call him and make an appointment to visit with him when it is convenient for him. A couple of weeks ago at one of the combines, I had the experience of having a man approach me and malign his son's high school coach. I had never met this man, and hopefully will never meet him again. This type of attitude serves no end, and the converse of this attitude can do nothing but assist the process. I am not so naive as to believe that every student-athlete or family has a wonderful relationship with their high school coach. Your high school coach will probably be the first person to reference your son in the process. First impressions!?!
Now let us move on to what I call "We Dads." This is no way disrespectful to the concerned fathers in the process, but bear with me. Here is the scenario: A college coach is sitting in his office and the phone rings. It is the father/uncle/adult cousin of a prospect. The conversation goes like this:
“Hello coach, this is Mr., Smith, Jimmy’s Dad. I just want to let you know where WE are in the process. WE are visiting USC,unofficially,WE just got a 'few' letters, one from LSU,one from Florida State, one from Ohio State, one from Texas, and I was told WE are going to hear from Lou Holtz later today ! Where do WE stand with you?”
And now the college coach:
“That is great. Has anybody offered as of yet?”
SILENCE
"May I speak to your son?"
"He is not here right now he is in the garage lifting, he just did 225 pounds, 99 times!"
“May I speak to him later?”
“Well no he will be with his personal trainer, they meet 22 times a week.”
This is obviously a fictitious scenario but not that fictitious. My point here is that if WE recruit your son and HE is on special teams, I am not going to look in the stands and call for his dad to go down on the kickoff. A son is fortunate to have the support of a positive person in his life, but it is critically important that the son be the focal point of the process, and show the college coach that he is capable of communicating his feelings and thoughts concerning the process and individual schools. An overbearing member of the family can be a turn-off. There must be balance in the communication and at some point the young man has to stand on his own two feet.
The process is ongoing and coaches are continuously evaluating, whether they realize it or not. Some small comment by the prospect can strike a positive nerve in the recruiting coach that may separate the young man from other prospects. Coach your young prospect, but do it from the sidelines. If he is offered official visits, then attempt to make those visits with him. I am aware of the expense, but it’s worth it. And prepare for the visit. Research the school, be prepared to ask questions on the visit that will enhance his ability to make a good decision.
I have met with parents who have driven nine to 10 hours and more so they could have an active role in the visit. A meeting with a veteran college coach/recruiter and a 17- or 18- year old is a mismatch. Now try a meeting with two or three college coaches and a 17-year old prospect. I believe you can realize my point.
One of the most wonderful parents that I have ever met in the recruiting process was Kory Minor's mother. As you all may know Kory was from California. He was to visit on the banquet weekend, but his team was in the playoffs and he had to reschedule for the following weekend. The following weekends visit was cancelled because his team had advanced with another victory. I may add that the weather those two weekends was unseasonably warm for South Bend, in the low 60s.
I was getting a bit anxious because this now took his visit into the first weekend after the holidays, and USC was bearing down for a commitment. Kory was the USA Today defensive player of the year. We stayed in good contact with Kory over the holidays and he assured us that that there would be no commitment until after the Notre Dame visit. The Thursday before Kory's official visit the sky fell, as well as the temperatures. It was very, very cold, even by South Bend standards. The snow was blowing sideways because of the wind, and it was one of those snows that turned into ice pellets that just pinch as they hit
Kory and his Mom arrived on campus and the weekend began. I could see Kory was a bit taken back by the frozen tundra that was now our beautiful campus. Personally, I have never seen a day when it was not beautiful, but this was an 18-year-old young man from southern California. Coach Holtz told me not to worry because Kory needs to know that if he comes to Notre Dame, this type of weather was a possibility and a probability.
If he was selecting or eliminating Notre Dame because of the weather, he was making a choice for the wrong reasons.
On Saturday afternoon, the weather had not let up. Kory's mother insisted that we walk over to our next appointment. I was not going to challenge her decision. As we proceeded over to the Administration Building, it was becoming a very challenging walk. In the middle of campus she stopped and looked to Kory. She told Kory to look over at a priest who was headed to the library. She then told Kory to look to a young man, and a young lady, students on their way to the LaFortune Center. She told Kory that if these people could handle this frigid weather that he was perfectly capable of doing the same.
Then she looked at Kory as only a loving Mother could and said,"Kory, I can buy you a winter coat, but I can't buy you a Notre Dame education. Tell the coaches that you are coming to Notre Dame.”
Yet another reason why it’s good for parents to come along on official visits.
(Source: Blue and Gold Illustrated, www.blueandgold.com, May 19, 2006)
